I ended January on the ultimate high. I had my plan, I was following it, enjoying the meal prep and was feeling very motivated. I wanted so bad to consistently lose weight and stay motivated but for some reason I sabbotaged my own weight loss. I don’t know where it all went wrong. Sometimes I just go into self sabotage mode & tell myself I don’t care if I don’t lose this week when secretly I am devistated when I don’t!
I didn’t blog last week because my Wednesday evening was spent in the salon having 7inches cut off my hair!! By the time I got home I had forgotten and preoccupied myself with something else. I’ve had a bob cut in to just around my jaw line & I love it. It makes me feel a little self conscious about the extra weight I am carrying around my face so I thought I’d use it as some motivation every day. Extreme measures I know, but hey hair grows.
February so far (the last two weeks) haven’t gone great for me. I didn’t stay to group last week, I rushed off to the salon. I got back late and didn’t do my usual meal plan. I didn’t keep my food diary & I didn’t look up a single syn! I’ve drunk far too much alcohol (I’m easily lead by friends – when I’m not the one leading) & eaten a ton of foods I shouldn’t have. Ive eaten out, had dessert when before joining slimming world I would have never opt for a dessert. I’ve ordered in and I’ve snacked on all the wrong things. I’ve had 5/7 days on plan and 2/7 eating everything and anything I’ve felt like. I don’t know why I’ve done it. I guess it’s just old habits, feeling tired, unwell and stressed then eating “comfort” foods as a coping mechanism. This is not ideal as we all know fruits and vegetables will make your body feel much better but somehow another part of my brain has taken over. I’ve still gone to group both weeks, I gained 1lb this week and 1lb last week. I’m really annoyed at myself. I’m not angry though because I am only human & I know it’s going to take a long time to make this a lifestyle change rather than I diet I am on & off with.
I’ve been looking through my notes on my phone & I found a post I shared with my SW back in November last year…..
“When the penny dropped;
I believe the penny has finally dropped. I’ve just attended a mindfulness workshop. Firstly talking about how the brain works and how it is split into two parts – the monkey (reactive, sometimes I controllable, story telling part) and the computer (logical, fact finding, analytical part). This would explain why I am in self sabotage mode sometimes and often why we act the way we do without know why.
I asked the speaker (Ben Andrews) for tips on being consistent and he said whilst he can advise me on what to do I am the only person who makes the choice every day whether or not to work on my goals. This has kind of put things into perspective. When I have a bumpy week I blame it on things which are beyond my control which for the most part is true however I can still control how I react to the situations and what I choose to do about it.
He explained setting a goal as building a long Motorway. First you have to map out where you want to get to (for me is size 10 and approx around 10st something). Then you have to find the time effort and resource to make your goal a reality (coming to group, meal planning, making better choices & so on). Next you’ve gotta get to work and cover some ground (a good few weeks of sticking to plan) your road towards the end point is formed. Then you need to learn how to cope when the rain comes, the things that stop you from progressing further (self sabotage, eating out, going away etc) and you can either react and get upset that you can’t progress or you can accept it. Then you have to work twice as hard to continue the work, you may have to go back a few miles and do some rework but ultimately you are moving forward.
This really put my journey into perspective. So now the consistency part… you have to do the things you don’t want to! There are days when you can’t be bothered or you are too tired or you just don’t want to. But you’ve got to do it anyway or you will never reach the end of your road. Once the road is built you’ve gotta check in from time to time to maintain it.
I know Tammi tells us every week that all of these things are important (thanks for this Tammi) and I always listen and I know what I need to do but can never understand why I don’t always follow suit and continue to self sabotage myself. Know I know that it’s the chimp in me so hopefully if I work on being more mindful and focus on logic and facts I can make better choices to help me hit my goal.
I hope this might help someone else finally understand why it’s important to remind yourself every day what your goal is and to not the the impulsive bad decision making part of your brain take over.”
This has reminded me that for anything to work you have to be consistent. You’ve gotta take the good with the bad and regain your focus. Day in, day out. No excuses. Our brains are programmed to follow old habits and if we want to change that then we have to practise new habits daily until it becomes the norm.
This week I have started again… for the hundredth time. Fuled with motivation and determination in the two days that have passed since weigh in. My SW constant spoke to me about setting mini targets and just focusing on one week at a time so this is what I am going to do and hopefully eventually after several good weeks I can then build up to a good month. Gradually reducing my bad habits and rebuilding the new healthy ones. I still feel like I’m being loads healthier then when I joined back in may but I know I also have a long way to go before I can call this my lifestyle!